I do not know when did eating become such a chore. Food is no longer nourishing or enjoyable.
I used to look forward to reunion dinners, steamboats, sushi buffets and barbecues. Now, I go out of my way to avoid them. I am unable to eat in front of people who I do not know intimately. I’m like a food hermit. To me, eating is a solitary task that is to be carried out in total privacy.
I dread being asked for out for events, especially those that involve food. Because I know that if I accept the invitation, it will be constantly on mind. And as the date draws near, I will get increasingly anxious and start lapsing into my coping mechanisms – exercising and restricting.
I guess that’s why I have lost so many friends. Eating together connects people. Sitting down together for a meal, sharing food and swapping stories, helps people bond and provides a brief respite from the hectic pace of modern life. It’s like a time-out for every one to catch up on each others’ lives.
Some people say this is stupid. That I’m just not “tough” enough, I should snap out of it and be normal. I wish I could. I’m sick of making up excuses for not joining my colleagues for lunch, turning down dinners and social events.